Welcome to my face: Botox, fillers, and fluff

A few words before we get started on this important topic:

  1. This is not healthcare advice; it’s my personal saga.
  2. Botox and fillers are not without risk (see below).
  3. I’m not a doctor. I just play one on TV.

And because I guess I set my Welcome to My Face series to music, please hit play on this banger and let it rip. Botox and fillers, they will not let you down…FREEDOM!

Poll: Which model did you most want to be in George Michael’s Freedom video? This topic recently came up at my gym. Most popular answers were Christy and Naomi. For me, it was Cindy. She’s big and bold and has THAT MOLE!

Me versus age: fillers and fluff

Botox, fillers, and basically anything else you can do to your face cosmetically are not without risk. I won’t bore you to death with the details, but here are some warnings if you care:

Note that I do have a permanent bump on one side of my lip due to a crazy-ass doctor* who slammed in the fillers way too aggressively (he’s no longer in practice, and no, he was not someone I found on Groupon), so while it may sound like I’m being cavalier, I am actually SCARRED FOR LIFE!

But as I’ve said before, having an old body is like owning an old house and we must keep up with the maintenance, as painful and expensive as it may be.

*I almost exclusively see nurses for my injectables, particularly after my doctor debacle (see SCARRED FOR LIFE above), and I’ve found them all by word of mouth. If you’re wanting to try Botox or fillers, ask around. You may not think that your friends get work done, but trust me when I say that errrrrrrrryyyyyybody gets a lil somethin’.

Botox

What is Botox? It’s a toxin that paralyses muscles. In the words of the iconic Schitt’s Creek: Ew, David!

Schitt’s Creek is deserving of every Emmy and award it won.

*Moving on*

I get a “Botox facelift” with a few injections in the forehead to bring my eyebrows up slightly and give me that I just slammed 4 cups of coffee look. I also get Botox in my crow’s feet to lessen their footprint.

There are other brands of neurotoxins aside from Botox, like Dysport. Botox is the OG with the most historical safety data, and it’s the one I use, so it’s the one I featured. But others may work better, depending on your goals.

I have a small forehead, so I can’t get too much Botox or my eyes will sag until the juice wears off, which is about every 6 months. If done right, Botox simluatneously lifts while preventing me from making facial movements that reinforce wrinkles and lines, in an attempt to preserve my not-so-timeless beauty. Yes, I still have enough facial mobility to let fools know when I hate them.

Fillers

Undereye

Once a client told me that I looked hung over (shockingly, I was not) because I had rings under my eyes. She didn’t know that I’ve hated those GD things my entire life. Once I found out that fillers could puff them up enough so that they would disappear, my life was forever changed.

We all know that Bella Hadid is the most beautiful woman in the world according to science, right? It’s just a fact. Like the fact that classic rock is terrible. Cats are cuter than dogs. And mustard is the superior condiment.

Jowls

Recently, on a horrible Zoom call, I noticed that I’m starting to get jowls. Evidently a lot of people are noticing this on Zoom calls. (Also, fuck Zoom.)

Jowls happen when your cheeks start to droop with age. It’s some real meemaw shit. No, facial exercise does not work. And it’s better to catch it early in order to avoid a facelift later.

Red = before / blue = after; see below for details
<<Full disclosure: I got an IPL laser peel in the 3 weeks between the before and after shots, so my skin looks MUCH better in the afters.>>

I got one syringe of filler (I can’t remember which one she used, but I’ll ask if anyone needs to know) in the deficits on either side of my chin. This creates fewer shadows and a straighter jawline. You can also get filler in your cheeks to pull them up thereby pulling up your jowls too, but given my aforementioned undereye situation, I would look like Skeletor with this method. Instead, I’m going back for a bit more in my chin because it’s a slow build. You don’t want to walk out of there suddenly looking like Jay Leno.

Lips

I noticed that I looked a little tight around the mouth in photos, so to counteract my resting bitch face, I went on a pout-plumping expedition. I have enough of a bottom lip to carry me through, so I went with filler in only my top lip. (You can also get a “lip flip” with Botox instead.)

I’ve tried Juvederm and Restylane—both hyaluronic acid-based dermal fillers that bridge the absence of fat under the skin—and I maintain with approximately yearly injections.

COVID vaccine warning: If you get fillers and still need to get vaxxed, you might skip Moderna and go for the Pfizer jawn instead. Or you might just be like, “Cool! My lips are EVEN BIGGER,” which was my first thought in considering it.

Yes, lip filler hurts. I get sweaty pits just thinking about it. Imagine popping a pimple on your lip and multiply that by 100.

Nyx Lip Lingerie
This was recommended to me by a salesperson at Ulta, who took one look at my busted, bruised lips and just knew. Bless his heart.

You may bruise. I got Nyx Lip Lingerie, a very matte, very heavy neutral lipstick for just this reason. But really, any full-coverage lipstick will work to cover your tracks. And arnica helps speed up healing.

You may look like a Simpson for a few days. The swelling will go down. But it is funny to tell your husband that it won’t and that this is how you look now.

“Honey, how do I look?”

(This is actually me, created by Turned Yellow.)

Maybe it’s not the best time to try fillers and Botox since we’re still under a mask mandate in a lot of places. But I say do what makes YOU feel better. And actually, now may be the perfect time because, if things go south, it’s not surgery and will eventually go away. Plus no one will see it under that mask anyway.

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